cut.filmstrip.

fucked up now. pulled the trigger too many times. words at over 120 miles an hour. kickback only to come as repercussions. slow and quiet would have won enough sanity to survive. warning bells in the lymph nodes, ringing in the ears. hopes as blank as the bullets. side effects always varied. never a motive for a car crash. head on at the first second; phantoms forever in eternity at the last.

with nothing left to hope for. cut throat by secret glances.
losing everything that i knew. blood loss overflowing.
i cant smile when you're around. brain stopped functioning.
light up the room with silence. heart barely beating.
my secrets spilled over a loudspeaker. lungs barely breathing.
everything to lose in having nothing. nerves one final slip.

reserve the backroom for my breakdown. keep your mind in the gutter to act as an audience for my street curb stage antics too obscene for the bedroom.
ruby red lips poised in a suckers dream.

breathing in silence. dying as every word tightens your noose. im coloring your lungs invisible. forget me (nots) if you must.
my biggest mistake was trying to keep you alive. the headlines are already filled with flash photography. no room for amateur poetic wallflowers.

take the placebo. entrust yourself to void prescriptions and subscribe to the music in your mind before daylight scatters emotions into stereotypes.

dry your eyes on these earth toned clouds.
soul mates never die.
manxwoman.sunshinexrain.blackxwhite. modern junkie.
30 characters short of a novel.
we are walking time bombs, black holes of our own galaxies. tapping on the window of our mind, wanting in on our li(v)es. extroverted introvert.

pocket the 8ball to score the quietest. tall, dark haired, mysterious. rewrite this once upon a time with a suicide ending.
gods joke most cruel.
suffocating in my vacuum-sealed bag, surrounded by peanuts and bubble wrap, in this box addressed to anywhere but here. translation: your front door.

love/hate relationship with sanity. insomnia induced inspiration. androgynous alliterations and metaphors. side effects and suicide attempts.
wentzian ethics.

checkthemailbox. dontbotherwiththescript. alreadyknowthepart. questionsforwardedtotheinternaldirector. notimeforshyness. barelyenoughforimaginativetruth.
speaking in metaphors until nine in the afternoon. flourescent truth under the blacklight.
the rooster crows as the first rays of conscious thought color them golden as black and white return to contrast, living the selfless masquerade of requitted love.

with beating compass in hand, haunting the second star to the right until infinity on high. venture to where the young wild things are.

book.in.hand.

"youre reading a book. youre doing nothing. you could be doing something productive."
a world that frowns upon expanding horizons and imagination. creativity lost to production statistics. a world where emotions exist only on commercialized kindergarten rhymes.
our world.

never.next.to.you.

always full of secrets. thought theres somethings that the world never deserves to know. a first time for everything that would change the appearance, the personality, if someone was to ever flip through the locked pages of life. never tell for months on end. confident enough to tell one soul. regrets born after the sixth. casting reasonable doubt on subconscious. pleading the fifth. keep eyes down. go back to a time of bliss in ignorance. rewind three in the morning self conversations. take the eyes of a liar; promised truth and painful revelations. ashamed to become what's contradictory; to grow up. keep everything inside before a wildfire. nothing but torment. persistent questioning of what will never be; what used to exist safely before escape. embarrassed to say thoughts, act on emotions. clandestine errors. silence of a beating heart. pediatric emotional control. play out, settle enough. a dollar for insides. general admission for silver screened secrets. star of the show absent on the red carpet. cut out the source. fish out of water will to live. no soul ownership. lost control. scream throat raw; fingers in ears, blank stares above spilled secrets flowing freely. restricted to the subject of whispers and hidden smiles.
dont wanna accept that ive broken.

overcast.kid.

false store bought declarations. the need to be wanted overcomes common sense. sugarcoated lies. dissolved to activity without meaning. neglect. worship selfishly. surgery. bleed selflessly. music in your hand, under another's soul. quick. anything but painless. human car crash. care less. secret despisers, jealous for all the wrong reasons. papercuts from scheduled love. call in sick. keep your heart intact for another year. turn the volume down. trick daydreams into nightmares. stay under the covers for twenty-six hours at a time. secrets passed through whispers in silence. venom laced promises a day old. truth never told.

choking.on.nightmares.

i cant sleep. im afraid of monsters in the dark. not the red eyes staring back from behind the closet door, but the skeletons there. the frames of who i was, of what i couldve been. not the long fingers that claw their way out from under the bed, but the chains hanging down. the expectations keeping me here, limiting creativity. i cant sleep with the lights on. its too bright. it hurts to see the mistakes ive made.

silent.in.the.light.

slit my wrists with your sharp designer labels. watch the ink flow out onto the canvas in the form of recycled cliches and phrases. keep the music playing; every note in your memory. surprise essays in driving lessons. concentrate on the wheel and the radio for inspiration. dead languages still in use. fragmented ideals of another perspective. beats tapped out without emotion still make noise. slip through the divider; what you know, what you think. rebellion becomes conformity. learning words standardized centuries ago. bring back the past through delicate personalities and stage acts. prescriptions for the solitary purpose of erradicating necessary imperfections. insomnia restraining daydream delusions; keeping imaginational figments away until the nightmares begin. sleeping through classes; through repetative time periods meant to brainwash violent adolescents into mindless replicas. lose creative license as everyone becomes a poet. copyrighted paraphrase. eraser marks on final scores. no such thing as perfect until the degradation of individuality. self immiseration in civilization participation. flinch away uncomfortably from everyday contact; comfort in touches of strangers' hands. minimize your ability to care. lonely daylight; claustrophobic under the stars. overanalyze the most simple string of letters. lost dreams and what could have beens compared to delusional fantasy filmstrips on repeat during sleep. keep replaying the day's decisions that can never change. regrets. keep misjudging everything you do. stomach pains, dull throbbing of the mind. hungerless for days on end. anything but lonely with words. keep me informed on your impending catastrophe. weather reports of black ice. hide under the covers until the survelliance camera runs out of film. keep the ghosts of your present alive in the alleyways. silhouettes of your future and past combined.